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Help! My Child Won't go to School
by Dr. Noel Swanson
http://www.good-child-guide.com
"How do I get my nine-year-old daughter to school? She seems
to have tummy aches or headaches constantly, and misses
several days of school each week. Any suggestion that she
must go and she screams and cries and seems to be genuinely
afraid of going to school. What can we do?"
You have to be firm with her, and not try to just wait it
out. If she misses too much school, she will never go back.
However, don't be angry with her as her anxiety and distress
are real.
She may have one of three conditions that you need to
determine: school phobia (fear of going to school),
separation anxiety (fear of leaving you or your home, or
agoraphobia (fear of crowded and public places).
If it might be the first, check if she is being bullied,
teased, embarrassed, or abused at, or on the way to, school.
Work closely with the teachers to identify and deal with any
problematic situations.
Make a doctor appointment for a complete examination.
Explain the whole situation to him so he can look for
serious illness.
If he rules out an illness, then believe what he says. Don't
have a lot of expensive tests. Assume that your child is
physically well and needs to go to school. Keep assuring her
firmly and confidently that she'll be fine (and so will you)
once she arrives. If she still claims of physical ailments,
you have two options;
Option one is to tell her she has to go to school. Of course
if she shows symptoms of real illness, you would keep her
home. Simply "not feeling good" isn't a good enough reason
not to go. Adults go to work with headaches and other fairly
minor ailments.
Option two is to believe what she says. If she claims to be
too sick to attend school, then she is too sick to be up at
home. Make sure she gets into bed. Turn off the lights,
close the curtains, don't let her watch TV and don't bring
her any snacks. Just maintain your daily routine. Make
staying home a complete bore. If she isn't asleep then she
could be doing her homework. She definitely shouldn't have
friends visit.
You can also establish some rewards for going to school.
Be firm and remain calm. Let her know that you expect her to
go to school, but don't argue with her if she resists. The
goal her is for her to want to go back to school. Once she
goes and finds out that she's fine, her previous symptoms
should disappear.
If none of this works, or if you are concerned about a
serious depression or anxiety disorder, seek professional
help through your family doctor.
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